August 2012

It's been awesome!

31st August 2012

Listeners were reporting the first frost of the year this morning. It can’t be true, it can’t be true!*

A very strange this happened this morning. Nick and I were randomly chatting about Brian Harvey running himself over in his own car back in 2005. (Remember that? Does anybody know how he managed it?) When out of the studio window, we spied Stu from Sales almost running himself over with his own car.

(It wasn’t in the same spectacular way that Harvey almost did himself in, but strange nonetheless. Stu had merely parked his car, forgot to put the handbrake on, walked away, then saw his car rolling away and so had to half the moving car manually, hands on bonnet style. Most coincidental.)

Right then. I’m off. It’s been awesome!

*It is.

Posted by Jennie at 9:32am

Rain, rain, Subway Sarah, rain, rain and more rain...

30th August 2012

What's the deal with all this rain! When did it switch to winter? I don't recall getting that memo.

The listeners were moaning a lot about the rubbish weather this morning. It was causing havoc on the roads and havoc with Sue(from Ripon)'s hair too.

As my Nan says though: there's no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothes.

So get your wellies on. You'll be fine.

We had Sarah from Subway in Starbeck on the phone today for The Secret Sound. She was a delight. I'm so suggestible though that I've now got to go to Subway for my lunch today.

I have to have a Subway sandwich. I have to. I will not rest until I'm eating one. I'm eating one of those bad boys if it's the last thing I do and don't try to stop me.

Catch you tomorrow morning. Have great day.

Posted by Jennie at 10:57am

Conversational wizardry...

29th August 2012

The Paralympics kicks off this evening. Unfortunately Prince Harry will not be attending the opening ceremony. He’ll be getting up to no good in his hotel room, no doubt. Somebody keep an eye on him this time, yeah?

When we get callers on the air, we’re normally quite tight for time. They’re on and they’re off. Sometimes though, even if you’re running over, it’s so good, you just have to go with it. That’s what happened today.

Annette was a conversational wizard. She effortlessly took us from Hollywood knashers, to Ronan Keating’s hairy chest, to her American husband’s hair-free bod, to philosophy, before finally ending up on turnstile sounds.

Yes, she took us sensationally off topic, but it was worth it.

At the time of writing, it’s persisting it down with rain. Nick might have actually got the weather forecast right for a change. Something’s gone wrong here.

Catch you tomorrow at the crack of dawn. Stay dry.

Posted by Jennie at 11:06am

"Meow" It roared, menacingly.

28th August 2012

There was a particularly ferocious pussy cat on the loose this weekend. Some numpty mistook a domestic cat for a lion and it sparked a huge police hunt. I only hope it didn’t cross your path, it might have licked you to death or rubbed its furry little body too hard against the bottom of your legs, causing possible chaffing.

It’s a jungle out there. Keep your wits about you.

We’re all doing naked salutes in support of Prince Harry. Contrary to the opinions of some scare mongering journalists, the general consensus on Harry’s naked billiard playing, is that it was all a bit of harmless fun. It’s endeared him to us even more if anything, and we already loved him!

There’s a brand new Soundcheck survey underway at Stray FM. It’s easy, quick and fun to do and it gives you the chance to rate the songs we play.

For instance; I, for one, do not like Fast Car or Bo Rap. If and when those bad boys pop up on that survey, they'll be getting a big fat 'HATE THIS' score from me. I appreciate how good they are, but you need to appreciate how many times I’ve heard them.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt. It does.

Have a great day. Nick and I will be back tomorrow early doors.

Posted by Jennie at 12:12pm

Happy bank holiday weekend!

24th August 2012

The Sun has gone against polite royal requests to stop publishing the naked photographs of Prince Harry. The newspaper (and I use the word ‘newspaper’ in the loosest possible sense here) has printed them regardless, claiming it’s in the public interest.  

Seriously?

How is it anyone’s right to ogle the naked, PRIVATE, holiday photographs of anybody?

I didn’t think I could think less of that rag. Turns out; I can. Rich in hypocrisy and morally bankrupt.

It’s the start of another Bank Holiday Weekend today! I’m braving the rain and going to Leeds Fest and James is going to his parents to eat them out of house and home. He told us that he still gets told off by his Mom and Dad, which led us to chatting about the classic lines that you got from your parents when you were naughty as a kid. Listen to the audio below for some blinders.

Now, have a fantastic long weekend and go and think about what you’ve done!

Posted by Jennie at 10:00am

Let's all get to know J-Unit, shall we?

23rd August 2012

When you’re sat in a soundproof studio for three hours every day with only one other person, you get to know them pretty well, whether you want to or not.

I’ve been sat in there this week with our James Stanley (Stray FM’s Hometime presenter) and, luckily for me, he rocks.

So, although James and I are good chums already, I’m learning a lot more about him.

Here are today’s top five facts about James:

1. James can’t listen to Bonnie Tyler songs without thinking of big, butch men.

2. James is under the mentalist illusion that all boybands secretly want to recruit him.

3. James writes menacing notices about the importance of washing up after yourself, puts them up in the communal Stray FM kitchen, then blatantly leaves three (THREE!) of his own dirty mugs in there. The swine.

4. James is afraid of moths. (He says this is the result of one of them ‘attacking’ him when he was in the shower once. I can only imagine how harrowing that ordeal was. Imagine getting gently flapped to within an inch of your life.)

5. He is madly in love with his wife Hayley. Sorry girls, (and boybands) step down, he’s taken.

James and I will be back tomorrow morning 6-9am. Do have a listen to the edited audio from this morning’s show and feel free to laugh at the funny bits. Or don’t. Whatever. Do what you like really. It’s a free country.

Oh, and beware of moths. Those suckers can ruin lives.

Posted by Jennie at 11:42am

Prince Harry's Bare Bottom...

22nd August 2012

I’ve got the lovely Hometime James in with me on breakfast for the rest of the week. The poor mite did his usual Hometime show last night and then had to be up for work this morning at 4am. This job is not for the feint hearted sometimes.

I was trying to alleviate his sleepiness by getting him jacked up on caffeine and cake. By the time we came off air at 9am, he was completely wired and bouncing off the studio walls. Job well done.

James and I were chatting about all manner of things today; Prince Harry’s bottom, Heidi Klum’s self portrait obsession and being expected to know every song ever recorded because you work at a radio station.

A big thanks to Ali the cake lady who rocked up with a cake for us at half past eight, apropos of nothing. It was delish!

Have a great day. James and I will catch you again tomorrow at the crack of dawn. Stay safe!

Posted by Jennie at 11:05am

All the fun of the fair...plus strippers

21st August 2012

Hey! How’s it going?

If you listened live to the breakfast show this morning you’ll have learnt a lot. (You are welcome.) Please, allow me to recapitulate some of the salient points:

1. Weather is changeable and Nick Hancock cannot be held responsible for that.

2. The funniness of a joke often depends upon the delivery.

3. Leeds Fest is great but it does have some dubiously named bands on the line up.

4. You cannot say ‘beer can’ without sounding like a Jamaican saying ‘bacon’.

5. Elton John goes to weird fairs.

You can listen to the edited audio below. You’ll see it confirms everything I’ve written above.

Nick is on holibobs for the remainder of the week, but I’ll be back tomorrow with our James from Hometime.

Have a lovely day. (And get your shorts on, because Nick says it’s going to be scorching hot!)

Posted by Jennie at 10:37am

Misleading Weather Forecasts, Widgets and Little Alkies...

20th August 2012

Hello munckins!

I hope you had a good weekend.  Even if it wasn’t nearly as sunny as Nick had led us to expect. Quite frankly, the picnic I had on the Stray yesterday was marred by all the bolts of lightning. (Nick keeps saying something about shooting the messenger. I think it’s a Bob Marley song. He must like it.)

Now then, Nick and I love having callers on the air. It’s so nice to actually chat with the listeners, rather than just chat at them.  We’ve had all sorts of characters on air with us; young, old, intelligent, insane, hilarious, bashful, grumpy, dopey, happy (all the dwarves) half asleep, half soaked, half cut...

I think today was the first time we’ve had an alcoholic nine year old on the air though. Little Georgia seemed to know far too much about beer for my liking.

Although, to be fair; if traipsing round the supermarket passed as a day trip when I was a nipper, I’d have probably hit the bottle too.

We’re joking, of course!*

*Seriously though Georgia, if you’re reading this - Childline: 0800 11 11

Listen to the call in its entirety, below.

Posted by Jennie at 12:21pm

Abstract logic and thumbing away to your heart's content...

17th August 2012

The X Factor is back this weekend and whether you love it, hate it or plain ignore it, its impact on popular culture is indisputable. So we asked our listeners:  “The X Factor is back...good or bad?”

There’s always one and today it was Nichola, who responded thusly:

“Surely there is more to life.”

Well, of course there is, but if we applied that sort of abstract logic to everything, it wouldn’t leave us with much frivolous gumf to chat about would it? I don’t know - you try to start an interesting convo...

For some reason Nick doesn’t relish the thought of his Mom eagerly thumbing her way through Fifty Shades of Grey.  Weirdo. Luckily he’s got a Kellogg’s Variety Pack to take his mind off it.

Check out the audio bellow. *I guarantee that it will make you laugh!

*This is not an authentic guarantee. It is not legally binding in any way.

Posted by Jennie at 11:54am

We need to calm down

16th August 2012

Hello.

I’m sorry that I didn’t upload a blog yesterday. (I imagine it totally ruined your day, didn’t it?)

I went straight to Knaresborough after the breakfast show with Nick, Alex, James and Katy and was there for the remainder of the day. I totally forgot to sort the blog out once I got back.

So, we were broadcasting live from Knaresborough Market yesterday and managed to get issued with a parking fine within 60 seconds of arriving. Pretty impressive by anyone’s standards.

Check out the audio attached – Nick and I obviously overdid it with getting jacked up on caffeine.

Catch you tomorrow.

Posted by Jennie at 2:12pm

Ziss izz a brand new idea!

14th August 2012

Nick and I are suffering from a pretty severe case of Post Olympic Blues. POB for short.

Yes, POB is rife so watch out, lest you be struck down with it too. We recommend that you be on the lookout for some of the worst symptoms. These include:

Doing the Usain Bolt pose with wanton abandon. (I’m doing it right now, whilst typing this. Difficulty Rating: Moderate.)

Having a shave, but leaving the glorious sideburns the hell alone.

Passing the remote control to your partner and being quietly pleased with the clean changeover.

Trying to better your Personal Bests at anything you do. (I finished by porridge this morning in 1 minute and 47.7 seconds. YES! That’s another Gold for me thanks very much...I’d just like to thank Nick Hancock; my erstwhile colleague, all round great human being, fellow athlete and my own personal Jesus.)

Nick and I also got to the bottom of why everything during the Olympic ceremonies was said in French before it was said in English. The reason behind this is baffling, I must say.

You can’t just hijack someone else’s idea and stick a flag in it! Well, clearly you can, but that doesn’t make it right. I, for one, do not approve (or fully understand, truth be told).

Malade, vous demain matin.

See you tomorrow morning.

Posted by Jennie at 10:22am

The Olympics Closing Ceremony Spesh

13th August 2012

Stand up all those who knew that Prince Harry’s name was actually Prince Henry.

Oh sit back down. Nobody knew that! That is brand new information.

Even Harry looked like he didn’t know about it until last night.

What a ceremony! It was brilliant. It had everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) and was so well put together.

Annie Lennox (looking suspiciously like Denise Welch) tied to a boat on wheels? Yes please.

Eric Idle dressed as Buzz Lightyear being shot out of a cannon? Standard.

Russell Brand dressed as a ring master, sat atop a bus, singing I am the Walrus, through a megaphone? Absolutely.

The Spice Girls hanging onto zimmerframes fixed to the roofs of black cabs? Why not?

Thank God they remembered to chuck in a troupe of morris dancers and some roller skating nuns. The whole thing was running the risk of looking a bit weird otherwise.

It encompassed all that was good about Great Britain. Plus, we ended up coming third on the medal table, which, let’s be fair, two weeks ago, nobody would have expected.

A job very well done. It might well have been the greatest show on earth afterall. (Which is more than I can say for the Breakfast Show this morning.)

Nick and I will be back again tomorrow, hopefully a little less sleep deprived.

Click here for some of the best bits from today's show. And see photographic evidence below for just how darn tired Nick and I looked at 5.55am in the studio this morning. My eyes remained closed for another hour after this photo was taken.

Posted by Jennie at 11:22am

A lovely day...

10th August 2012

That Bill Withers can certainly hold a note can’t he? What an almighty show off he is about that bizarre skill. The second half of ‘Lovely Day’ is essentially Bill delightfully droning out one solitary note.

It's enchanting.

Nick and I continued playing the 50 Shades of Grey audio book on air this morning. We got berated by one of our listeners for mocking the book when we haven’t even read it. A fair point. We confess that our approach to research is somewhat lacking in this instance. (Unlike the rest of the show, which is painstakingly planned and produced.*)

It’s Friday!

It’s a gloriously sunny day!

The weather forecast for the weekend is for more sunshine!

So, do enjoy yourselves. Nick and I will catch you all again bright and early on Monday morning. You stay classy now.

*It isn’t.

Posted by Jennie at 10:24am

Ofcom shmoffcom - we're playing this sexy audio book on the air!

9th August 2012

Nick and I did something extremely ill advised on air this morning. A listener sent Nick the audio book for Fifty Shades of Grey after hearing us talk about it on yesterday's show.

In case you've been living on Mars for the last twelve months. Fifty Shades of Grey is the phenomenally successful book that’s made headlines around the world for its graphic depictions of unconventional sex.

So, we played it on air.

Nick pulled it off air just as the action was hotting up, so I’m badgering him to play some more tomorrow. He just keeps muttering something about Ofcom.

Ofcom shmoffcom. He always bangs on about them whenever we do anything borderline offensive/illegal.

Tune in again tomorrow for more smut.

Here's some audio from this morning's incredibly sexy show.

Posted by Jennie at 10:17am

Fifty Shades of Ungodly Filth, more like!

8th August 2012

Who’d have thought that a series of smutty books written by a woman could have become so successful?

If I’d known I would have published my diaries. (My 2008 edition is particularly uncouth.)

Whenever anything becomes ludicrously popular it tends to polarise opinion, which is silly because something is what it is, whether it becomes mainstream or not.

I'm usually inclined to mock band wagon jumpers and misplaced moral outrage via the medium of satire, irony and sarcasm. I think it's irrational to be easily offended.

Read the book. Don’t read the book. Hey, do what you like! You have to admit that the enormous fuss over these books is pretty impressive, even if the prose isn’t.

The author, London born Erika Leonard, isn’t under any illusion that she’s going to be hailed as the new Tolstoy. She says of her trilogy: “The explosion of interest has taken me completely by surprise. This is my midlife crisis, writ large...fantasies...that’s it.”

Good for her, I say.

In other news on today’s show: Linda in Knaresborough is a bit of a perv. I’m so susceptible to Olympic sponsorship that I’ve been gorging on Big Macs and Nick’s been doing a spot of cross-dressing.

Click on the play button below for the accompanying audio. Cheers chickens!

Posted by Jennie at 11:04am

Shake your rudebox...

7th August 2012

Nick and I had a right laugh during the show this morning. Mostly off air. Sorry about that.

We were on one today for sure.

Nick and I get into silly moods most days behind the scenes. Today’s silliness initially stemmed from the Robbie Williams 2006 rap song Rudebox. It greatly amused us.

Nick had got this peculiar ditty stuck in his head after hearing it in the Co-Op (which, incidentally, has its very own radio station). So there we were, discussing the merits of Rudebox for most of the 7 hour, only stopping to, you know, wop out a bit of broadcasting for you guys.

Sometimes the off air chat spills over onto the air, as you can hear from today’s attached audio. So, that’s the backstory for you, I hope you enjoyed that remarkable insight!

There was a bit of coincidental phone malarkey today too. Nick accidentally left his mobile phone at work last night, so he told us all about that dramatic turn of events. Then Christine (today’s Secret Sound caller) called us on a telephone that was perilously close to running out of battery. As if the Secret Sound competition isn’t nerve-wracking enough! Knowing that the line could go dead at any second, well, she nearly sent us over the edge.

Click play on the audio button below for a few minutes of Nick and I being gay.

(And by ‘gay’ I mean ‘happy’.  I do in my case at least. I can’t be 100% sure about Nick. He wears red trousers afterall.)

Posted by Jennie at 11:09am

Ennis, Farah, Murray, Ainslie...you guys absolutely rock!

6th August 2012

WOW!

What a weekend for Great Britain in the Olympics! We’re now third on the medal table behind America and China. An extraordinary achievement when you consider the size of those countries in comparison to the UK.

The dedication, dignity and first-class sportsmanship alone is something to be celebrated and admired. The skill, grace and determination of these world class sport stars is truly inspirational. The way that these men and women are conducting themselves, with such refined poise, somehow makes you want to be a better person yourself. It’s so refreshing to have ambassadors for our country who are doing their jobs brilliantly whilst simultaneously behaving with moral integrity.

I don’t think a British athlete has made me feel so patriotic since Wayne Rooney told us he’d hired prostitutes behind his pregnant wife’s back.

It's not all about the Olympics though. Other important stuff has been going on in the world aside from that, you know. For instance, my sister and I got flashed at by surfers whilst driving along the M5 yesterday. Those, my friend, are next-level social skills!

Click on the play button below to listen to the best bits from today’s show.

Catch you tomorrow! Stay safe munchkins.

Posted by Jennie at 11:51am

Six more medals and a lot of talk about tatts...

3rd August 2012

We’re doing well in the Olympics at the moment. After winning six (six!) more medals yesterday we’re currently fifth in the medal table. Unbelievable scenes. Well done Team GB!

Nick wanted to chat about tattoos today as his friend’s getting another and wants Nick to get one too.

Nick and I appear to be the only two people on the planet to have shunned getting inked up. Each to their own, of course; do what you like with your own body. I’m yet to be persuaded that they provide improvement in most cases though.

Tens of thousands got in touch telling us all about their body art (Nick calls it body vandalism) and the meanings behind them.

Some people's tattoo meanings were obvious: “I have a scroll with the words ‘Westlife Forever’ in it on my arm”.

Some a little more ambiguous: “Hi Nick and Jen, I’ve got a tattoo on my stomach of a devil wearing a nappy holding a dripping hosepipe.”

I'm not making this up. (Unfortunately, I don't think the person that texted that in to us was making it up either.) Do bear in mind that tattoo removal is expensive, time-consuming and often ineffective.

Check out the audio below and remember that we love you no matter what you look like.

Have a great weekend and thanks for listening, you lovely lot.

Posted by Jennie at 11:03am

Jessie the mentalist and Moses the cat...

2nd August 2012

The song ‘Jessie’ by Joshua Kadison is brilliant. If only for the lyric: “She asks me how the cat’s been. I say ‘Moses? He’s just fine.”

Nick and I agree though that this 'Jessie' character seems like a loose cannon, to say the least.

Get this: Jessie calls her ex from a payphone in Vegas at the crack of dawn and tries to entice him, and their cat Moses, to run away with her to Mexico. She attempts to sweeten this offer with bizarre promises of quaffing Tequila and mooching about for shells on the beach. By his own admission Josh has only just got back on his feet, so he’s understandably reluctant to commit to this hairbrain scheme. Especially given that Jessie’s now living gypo-style in a trailer.

The video is also pretty special. Check it out on You Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iElty90IPiw

That aside, Nick and I had some excellent callers on the show today. Kathy was underwhelmed by Brushstrokes and Grace had a very detailed guess at the new Secret Sound.

Have a listen to the podcast below for a chuckle.

Catch you again tomorrow. Oh, and by the way; the latest listener figures are in. It turns out that more people are listening to Stray FM, and for longer stretches of time, which is fantastic news. So, congratulations on making the right choice! You rock.

Posted by Jennie at 11:55am

How do? Now then, it's Yorkshire Day lad...

1st August 2012

How do? Now then, it’s Yorkshire Day today lad. A day that celebrates all things Yorkshire.

I’d like to be able to tell you more about it, but unfortunately I can’t understand a word people say up here. I’m from Birmingham originally. I’ve only lived here for three years and most of the time I just smile and nod when spoken to by a Northerner.

Oh, you’re a lovely bunch up here though, aren’t you!

So, the Olympics then? That’s still going on.

Zara won a silver for Team GB yesterday. Nice one. The spiteful little thug who trolled Tom Daley via Twitter has been given a police warning and Nick reckons today’s the day that we’ll win a gold medal.

Listen to this audio for a laugh. If you like. Or don’t. Whatever.

Catch you all again in the morning. Oh, and: a pinch and a punch for the first of the month, and no returns!

Posted by Jennie at 10:59am